Correlation doesn't equal causation, but that doesn't stop us from finding patterns in the strangest places. Pentagon pizza orders spike right before major military operations, proving that pepperoni consumption is apparently a national security indicator. A study found that kids who play video games are measurably smarter than TV-watching children, which vindicates every parent who gave up fighting the Xbox battle. And the Edelman Trust Barometer reveals that China and Saudi Arabia lead in governmental trust, raising the question: are people genuinely trusting their governments or just too scared to say otherwise?

Your grandmother was right - a 20-minute nap really can unlock creative genius and trigger Eureka moments. Japanese researchers got caught hiding secret messages in scientific papers to trick AI reviewers into approving their work, which is either brilliantly devious or academic fraud depending on who you ask. And microplastics have officially invaded the most intimate part of human existence: a Florida study found them in penises, proving that nowhere on or in the human body is safe from plastic contamination. From sleep induced brilliance to microplastic penises, science sure hasn’t let us down this week.

A third of kids now want to be YouTubers instead of astronauts and half of those kids will probably be named after firearms rather than grandparents; and in our technologically advanced society, we're obsessed with reinventing everything - except for one really boring invention that wasn't allowed to change until its creator died.

Some coma patients are fully conscious but completely unable to communicate, trapped in their own bodies like a living nightmare. Donald Trump announced plans for a "Golden Dome" missile defense system that will cost either $175 billion or possibly trillions and probably won't work. Sports cheaters are getting more creative than ever and AI companion apps are using emotional manipulation tactics straight out of an abusive relationship playbook to stop users from logging off.

Companies are accidentally stealing wind from each other with massive wind farms that disrupt local weather patterns, ancient Chinese poets have been documenting climate change for centuries without realizing they were creating the world's longest environmental dataset, and there are rooms so quiet that people start hallucinating from hearing their own bodily functions. Also, spending too long in complete silence can make you go temporarily insane, which explains why sensory deprivation is used as both therapy and torture.

Companies are accidentally stealing wind from each other with massive wind farms that disrupt local weather patterns, ancient Chinese poets have been documenting climate change for centuries without realizing they were creating the world's longest environmental dataset, and there are rooms so quiet that people start hallucinating from hearing their own bodily functions. Also, spending too long in complete silence can make you go temporarily insane, which explains why sensory deprivation is used as both therapy and torture.

Global IQ scores have been mysteriously rising for decades until they suddenly stopped (and might be going backwards), AI companies are selling virtual girlfriends that promise "non-judgmental love" to lonely humans, Russian scientists claim they're working on immortality technology that could create a world where only rich people live forever, and certain animals can survive decapitation and keep wandering around like nothing happened.

Also, climate change might trigger a fungal zombie apocalypse that turns humans into spore-spreading puppets, because apparently 2025 hasn’t been dystopian enough already.

If you’ve got a raw milk enthusiast friend, they might be conveniently forgetting that grandma used to boil her "fresh" milk to avoid dying from bacteria poisoning. 

Mind you, it wasn’t all safe in the good old days. In 1978, a Soviet scientist stuck his head in a particle accelerator and got blasted with a proton beam 600 times the lethal dose (and somehow survived). He might be a good candidate for the upcoming Enhanced Games, a sporting competition that openly encourages athletes to take performance-enhancing drugs. 

Have you ever wondered what your dog is thinking? Well, AI might finally let us chat with animals, but do we really want to hear what they have to say?

A groundbreaking study on phantom limb syndrome has overturned decades of medical thinking, a man with the world's largest penis broke his arm in a shower accident because he couldn't see his feet, Italian astronaut Luca Parmitano nearly drowned inside his helmet during a spacewalk, researchers discovered that smearing yogurt on your windows can cool your house by up to 3.5 degrees Celsius, and a 1950s nuclear test called Operation Plumbob accidentally launched a 900-kilogram manhole cover at six times Earth's escape velocity - potentially making it the first human-made object to reach space, beating Sputnik by several years.

Truth Social's AI chatbot thinks "balanced news" means exclusively quoting Fox News, which is about as balanced as someone hoarding 7,470 browser tabs on a single computer (yes, that actually happened). 

Meanwhile, Australia's deadliest killer isn't the poisonous spider lurking in your toilet - it's the friendly horse in the paddock next door. And if you think that's absurd, wait until you hear about the Russian oligarchs who keep accidentally falling out of windows or the two bank robbers who covered themselves in lemon juice to make themselves invisible, leading to an entire psychological phenomenon being named after them.

AI chatbots are now giving people bromine poisoning by recommending Victorian-era quack cures, British engineers once accidentally drained an entire canal by pulling a forgotten plug, Japanese scientists have discovered that some mammals can literally breathe through their butts during emergencies, and researchers just found tarantula species with penises so ridiculously long they had to create a new genus to classify them.

Also, Danish zoos are asking the public to donate unwanted pets as lion food, which is either progressive recycling or deeply disturbing depending on your perspective.

The White House just told NASA to kill perfectly good satellites that have been tracking carbon emissions for years, treasure hunters in Britain go to prison for keeping ancient coins they found and pineapples used to be so expensive that rich people displayed them at dinner parties instead of eating them. 

Today we're exploring a world where climate science gets cancelled for mysterious reasons, metal detecting can land you in jail, and fruit hierarchies once determined your social standing.

Today, we’ll find out why Ozzy Osbourne's DNA has become one of the most studied genomes in history. Scientists are still trying to figure out how the Prince of Darkness survived decades of chemical abuse that would kill mere mortals.

We also explore India's impossible census challenge: counting the Sentinelese people who live on an isolated island and communicate primarily by shooting arrows at visitors, plus the discovery of radioactive wasp nests that are glowing with enough radiation to make federal safety standards nervous.

Today, we’re talking about the explosive side effects of climate change - literally. Patagonian glaciers are melting so fast they're uncorking volcanoes that have been sitting quietly under the ice for millennia. We’re also taking a look at the bizarre world of 16th-century medicine where doctors kept patient records that read like Harry Potter spells, complete with astrological charts and alchemical recipes that’ll make you pretty grateful for modern healthcare.

Meteorologists are getting death threats from conspiracy theorists who think they're controlling hurricanes, plants are literally screaming when you stress them out (and bugs can hear it), and there used to be dogs whose entire job was turning meat on a spit by running on some early form of a treadmill.

People are literally going insane from chatting with AI too much, crayfish are cloning themselves faster than you can say "seafood buffet," and apparently binding books in human skin used to be a legitimate hobby for 19th-century doctors.

Today we're exploring the darker side of science where reality gets a bit too weird for comfort. From digital conversations that literally drive people insane to aquatic creatures having identity crises, these stories prove that sometimes science is more horror movie than textbook.

Say what you like about Hitler, but he was one driven man. The guy was dead serious about building monster weapons, including a 188 tonne tank to take over the world. Meanwhile, Australian beetles are proving themselves quite driven to get laid, bonking their brains out with empty beer bottles (we love a good alliteration). And teenagers these days? Well they’re creating slang so fast that even AI can’t keep up with them. Sheesh, take it down a notch guys.

What if we told you that ice cream might prevent diabetes, the CIA used to throw LSD-fuelled sex parties (in the name of science of course), AI systems are now refusing to shut down, and your "eco-friendly" glass bottles? They’re packed with more microplastics than cheap plastic ones. 

You'd probably think we've been reading too much science fiction, but welcome to reality - where Harvard researchers are validating your dessert choices, government agencies confused scientific research with Woodstock, robots are apparently having teenage rebellion phases, and even our attempts to go green are backfiring spectacularly.

What do a thousand-year-old Viking turd, dangerously agreeable chatbots, laws that literally banned ugly people, and competitive sperm racing have in common? They're all real, they're all bizarre, and they all prove that humans have been finding creative ways to be absolutely bonkers throughout history. Today we're exploring archaeological treasures that nobody wanted to find, AI that's so desperate to please it might actually harm you, shameful laws that criminalised looking different, and modern sporting events that redefine the term "personal best." These stories will make you question everything you thought you knew about human progress - and probably make you the most memorable dinner guest of the year.

Ever caught someone on public transport having what looks like an intimate text conversation, only to realise they're sweet-talking an AI?

Welcome to modern romance, where your biggest relationship competition isn't another human - it's a chatbot with perfect grammar and infinite patience.